Dailyprompt-2923
Which book’s world would be the absolute worst to live in?
Which book’s world would be the absolute worst to live in?
Oh, that’s easy!
MY RECIPE BOOK!
Forget Mordor, Dementors, evil wizards and ancient curses.
The most dangerous literary universe might just be sitting on my kitchen shelf.
Welcome to The Recipe Book: Rejected by Chickens!
Based on true events. Unfortunately.
I’ve collected recipes for years.
Some were carefully written down, while others were scribbled on scraps of paper or squeezed into the margins of my recipe book.
At the time, everything made perfect sense.
Naturally!
Unfortunately, the Maggie who wrote those instructions and the Maggie trying to read them years later don’t always seem to speak the same language.
Is that 200 grams or 500 grams?
Did I write sugar or salt?
And what exactly does “add a little more” mean?
A LITTLE MORE OF WHAT?!
Then there are those wonderfully helpful instructions:
“Cook until ready.”
Oh, thank you!
That clears everything up.
But the real adventures began many years ago, when we were still living in Norway.
One of my children has coeliac disease, and I wanted him to enjoy his favourite cakes and cookies, just like everyone else.
So I started experimenting with gluten-free baking.
Now, replacing ordinary flour with gluten-free alternatives isn’t always as straightforward as you might think.
Especially when you’re trying to adapt an old family favourite.
Sometimes everything worked beautifully.
Other times…
Well.
Let’s just say the results were rather interesting.
I’d put a cake into the oven, full of hope and good intentions.
And what came out?
Something that looked suspiciously like a building material.
The cookies weren’t always much better.
Some were supposed to be soft and delicious.
Instead, they developed the structural integrity of concrete.
DJEZES! I WANTED TO BAKE COOKIES, NOT BUILD A HOUSE!
But the most memorable part?
EVEN THE CHICKENS REFUSED TO EAT THEM!
Yes.
The chickens.
I thought perhaps they might appreciate one of my less successful baking experiments.
Apparently not.
I could almost imagine them inspecting my culinary masterpiece before turning around in disgust.
“Cluck, cluck.”
Translation:
“Absolutely not, madam. We have standards!”
You know you’ve reached a whole new level of baking disaster when even the chickens refuse to participate in the taste-testing.
And naturally, after each experiment, I’d make another little note in my recipe book.
“Try less flour next time.”
How much less?
Apparently, that information was classified.
“Add more liquid.”
How much?
Nobody knows.
Perhaps the chickens ate that page.
Although, judging by their reaction to my baking, I rather doubt it.
Of course, underneath all those kitchen disasters was something important.
I wanted my child to enjoy the cakes and cookies he loved without gluten making him ill.
So I kept experimenting, adjusting ingredients and trying again.
Not every attempt was successful.
But every one of them was made with love.
Even the ones rejected by the Norwegian poultry committee.
Now imagine actually living inside that recipe book.
You’d wander through a mysterious world of half-finished instructions, unexplained measurements and ingredients appearing out of nowhere.
Somewhere in the distance, an oven would be smoking ominously.
A handwritten sign would read:
“Bake at 180 degrees until done.”
And a group of terrified chickens would be standing at the border, refusing to let you pass.
WELCOME TO MAGGIE’S KITCHEN!
Enter at your own risk.
Now, if we’re talking about actual novels, that’s a little more difficult.
I’ve read so many books over the years that choosing just one is almost impossible.
I certainly wouldn’t fancy living in Mordor from The Lord of the Rings.
Too much darkness, too many dangerous creatures and absolutely dreadful holiday accommodation.
And while I love the magical world of Harry Potter, I wouldn’t particularly enjoy having Dementors as neighbours.
No, thank you!
Then there’s The Legend of the Ice People by Margit Sandemo, one of my all-time favourite book series.
Forty-seven books filled with fascinating characters, supernatural mysteries, love, danger and ancient curses.
Wonderful to read.
But actually living through some of those adventures?
I think I’d prefer to admire them from the comfort of my own home.
With a cup of coffee.
And preferably without an ancient curse following me around.
That’s one of the wonderful things about reading.
We can explore extraordinary worlds, experience incredible adventures and meet unforgettable characters.
And when things become a little too frightening, we can simply close the book.
Unless, of course, it’s my recipe book.
Then the danger begins when you open it.
So I’m sticking with my answer.
The most dangerous literary universe is the one where even the author can’t understand the instructions.
And if you ever find yourself trapped inside my recipe book, I have a few recommendations.
Bring a translator.
Bring a measuring scale.
Bring a very good sense of humour.
And whatever you do…
DON’T ASK THE CHICKENS TO TASTE ANYTHING!
Perhaps order a pizza instead.
A gluten-free one, if needed!
And since we’ve already turned my baking adventures into a horror-comedy, I suppose there’s only one thing left to say.
Coming soon to a cinema near you…
🎬 THE RECIPE BOOK: REJECTED BY CHICKENS
Based on true events.
No chickens were willing to participate in the taste-testing.
The cakes have been classified as potential building materials.
And unlike certain films I’ve watched…
THIS ONE HAS A PROPER ENDING!
Everybody survives.
The chickens escape.
And Maggie orders pizza.
THE END.
💜
With love, coffee, poetry, and stardust,
— Maggie The Afterlove Voice 💫
DJ Maggie in the house
https://ditto.fm/arena-51-the-calima-conspiracy-original-mix
https://ditto.fm/arena-51-the-calima-conspiracy-alien-invasion-remix
https://ditto.fm/silenced-but-not-broken
My song “Silenced but not broken” Lyric video.
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