This week my question is;
How is your memory- recent and from long ago?
Sunday Poser # 308- Memory/ recall
⚠️ Content Warning — Childhood Trauma and Abuse
This post contains personal reflections on childhood sexual abuse, physical and emotional bullying, parental alcohol abuse, mental health and trauma-related memory difficulties.
I share these experiences as part of my healing journey and in the hope that others who have experienced similar struggles may feel less alone.
Please take care of yourself while reading. 💜
Sunday Poser — The Missing Pages of My Memory
18 October 2026
This week’s question from Sadje is:
How is your memory — recent and from long ago?
Oh, the human mind! What a fascinating, complicated and sometimes mysterious place it is.
My answer to this question is a little more complicated than simply saying I have a good or bad memory.
Because there was a time when I couldn’t remember much of my childhood at all.
And I was ashamed of that.
I would hear other people talking about their childhood memories, their school days, little adventures and ordinary family moments.
And I would wonder why so many pages of my own childhood seemed to be missing.
When I started therapy, I began to understand why remembering had been so difficult for me.
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, bullying and domestic instability.
I was only six years old when the sexual abuse by one of my cousins began.
During my first six years of school, I was bullied, both physically and mentally.
My father became seriously ill after working with car paint and experienced episodes of psychosis. My mother struggled with alcohol abuse.
And when I was thirteen, I was sexually abused by another cousin. That continued until I was seventeen.
Those were years when I should have been enjoying my childhood, making friends, discovering the world and feeling safe.
Instead, there were experiences I didn’t know how to understand, let alone talk about.
I became very good at burying things.
Not because they didn’t matter, but because, at the time, I didn’t know what else to do with them.
When I began therapy, my therapist explained that difficulties with memory can be common among people who have experienced repeated trauma.
For the first time, I began to understand that I didn’t need to feel ashamed of those missing memories.
Through therapy, I learned techniques to explore my past, recognise emotions and understand how my experiences had affected me.
It wasn’t always easy.
Sometimes remembering was painful. Sometimes understanding something I already remembered was just as difficult.
And sometimes, the adult me had to look back at the child I once was and realise how much she had been carrying.
Over time, more of my childhood became accessible to me.
Today, I remember so much more about growing up, the places I lived, the people I knew and the experiences that shaped me.
Not every memory is complete, and I don’t expect it to be.
But I’ve learned that I don’t need every missing piece to understand my own story.
I was never responsible for what other people did to me.
And the shame I carried for so many years was never mine to carry.
Now, as for my recent memory…
Well, that’s another adventure altogether!
When life is relatively calm, I remember things quite well.
But when I’m stressed, exhausted or juggling a hundred different things, my brain apparently decides that the storage department is closed for maintenance.
I can walk into the kitchen and forget why I’m there.
Stand looking around, hoping the coffee machine might provide an explanation.
Or start doing one thing, get distracted by three others, and suddenly wonder what happened to the original plan.
Sometimes I think my brain has simply decided that after 55 years, it’s entitled to a few coffee breaks of its own!
But there is something I find truly fascinating about memory.
How a song can suddenly transport us back forty years.
How a familiar smell can bring back a place we haven’t visited since childhood.
How we can remember the smallest detail from decades ago, yet forget what we were supposed to buy at the supermarket yesterday.
And how our understanding of a memory can change as we grow older.
I have also learned that remembering isn’t always the same as healing.
Healing, for me, has involved understanding, accepting what happened and recognising that my past doesn’t have to define every part of my present.
I cannot change my childhood.
But I can choose how I speak about it today.
I can write about it.
I can acknowledge the little girl who survived it.
And I can continue creating, loving, laughing and living.
Because despite everything, I haven’t lost my sense of humour.
And believe me, that has saved many a difficult day!
So, how is my memory?
My long-term memory has become clearer through understanding my past. My short-term memory occasionally goes on holiday without telling me. 🤣
And perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned is this:
The missing pages of our memories do not make our stories any less real or our lives any less valuable.
Some pages take time to understand.
Some may always remain incomplete.
And some are still waiting to be written.
💜
#SundayPoser
DJ Maggie in the house 🎧🎶
https://ditto.fm/arena-51-the-calima-conspiracy-original-mix
This is EDM music Electronic Dance Music . Songs drops October 2.
https://ditto.fm/arena-51-the-calima-conspiracy-alien-invasion-remix
💜
With love, coffee, poetry, and stardust,
— Maggie The Afterlove Voice 💫
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