Missy’s MAD Challenge # 098

I Thought I Was Lost, But Maybe I Was Just Changing

I Thought I Was Lost, But Maybe I Was Just Changing

#missysmadchallenge

For the longest time, I thought I was lost.

Lost in hospital corridors.
Lost in responsibilities I never expected to carry.
Lost in grief for things that hadn’t happened yet and for things that already had.

I looked at my life and barely recognized it.

The woman I used to be seemed to have disappeared somewhere between dialysis appointments, medical reports, sleepless nights, and all the ordinary moments that suddenly became extraordinary because survival depended on them.

I thought I had taken a wrong turn.

That somehow I had wandered away from the path I was supposed to be on.

But lately, I wonder if I wasn’t lost at all.

Maybe I was changing.

After all, a caterpillar probably believes it is disappearing before it becomes a butterfly.

A seed must break apart before it becomes a flower.

The night sky must grow dark before the stars can be seen.

Perhaps transformation feels like loss while it is happening.

Perhaps growth feels like confusion because we are leaving behind versions of ourselves that can no longer follow.

I miss some of the woman I used to be.

She was lighter.
Less tired.
Less aware of how quickly life can change.

But I am beginning to appreciate the woman I am becoming.